See here’s the thing. This is someone I have worked with already on a bunch of projects. She’s amazing. Does great work. Is speedy. One of those “wow, so glad I found her” kind of people.
I asked her to help me out with a certain type of project that I wasn’t sure was in her wheelhouse, but thought it might be. She was upfront saying it wasn’t really her thing but she was totally game to do it.
So we got started – and it was bumpy from the start.
Things weren’t clicking. They were moving slowly. We couldn’t seem to find our groove to land on what I was looking for. Nor could I find a way to better describe what I wanted.
I was starting to feel frustrated and I could tell she was feeling the same.
So I reached out last night to say “Hey, I think we are going to have to stop working on this project together. It’s just not clicking. I’m feeling frustrated and I suspect you are too.”
Her reply “I would be utterly relieved not to have to work on this anymore!”
So, we transferred the unused portion of what I paid to do some other work together. Because yes, I will continue to work with her on the stuff that she does well and that she enjoys doing too. We are starting on our next project together Monday. :)
The moral of this story?
1 – Be brave enough to have tough, honest conversations. Do I like ‘firing’ people? Hell no – I’m a people pleaser at heart and my default is to avoid those conversations. But it wasn’t working out. We both knew it. And to continue to try to ‘make it work’ would have just made things worse over time and may have ended our working relationship altogether, which would have been a huge bummer.
2 – Be brave enough to say no to projects that aren’t in your wheelhouse. Even when it’s something you know you could do or could figure out. Even when you love the client. And you want the money! (but of course) This puts undue stress on yourself and could risk a good working relationship. This is especially tough when you are the type of person who can do a lot of things and likes to ‘figure stuff out’… I’m that type of person too and it’s always tempting to say yes!
Not every ending of a relationship has to be a bad thing.
We don’t have to part on bad terms. Feel mad. Or even let down.
These things happen sometimes. And we’ve all been on both sides of that coin.
At the end of the day, we are all humans in a relationship with each other. And we get to choose how to show up even when things are tough.
If you ask someone to take responsibility for something, but don’t give them authority over it then you are essentially setting them up for failure.
What do I mean?
Responsibility is asking someone to take ownership over something – to make sure X gets done. To create a result. <– I daresay we are all looking for this from our team and the folks we engage for various services.
Authority is empowering that person to make the decisions needed to create the result they were hired for WITHOUT having to get permission at every step along the way. <– This right here in the humdinger and a place where things can get stalled.
It’s not uncommon for business owners to hire someone, expect responsibility but ask them to run everything past them first before they take any kind of action.
This is like putting a hobble on a horse and expecting them to gallop across the field. They can only take little steps at a time and have to wait for you at every turn.
The more decisions that need to be approved first before someone takes action, the slower things will move. The more tiring it is for the leader who is expected to make all of these decisions. The more frustrated the team will be waiting for decisions to be made. Oooof – perhaps you can relate?
If you are the one hiring ask yourself – have I given authority alongside the responsibility I’m asking for? Am I expecting folks to check in with me on every little thing? Is there room to perhaps give more authority to the people I’m working with?
If you are the one being hired ask yourself – have you asked for the authority you need? Have you been clear with those you are working for that in order to do X you need to be empowered to make decisions along the way?
You might be surprised to find how much quicker and smoother things can run with a bit of authority in the mix.
I saw someone post recently on Facebook how they had been disappointed many times last year trying to work with various service providers who were promising things they couldn’t actually do, were late on delivering or were flat out disappearing on them.
That wasn’t the part that got under my skin though – it was the 100+ comments on her post that all echoed the same thing:
“I’ve paid so much in the last year for promises of DFY that simply haven’t been delivered”
“My expectations have crumbled after the last 2 years of poor support.”
“I’ve tried to hire multiple people and end up doing it myself every time.”
“I have heard so many stories about service providers who just don’t do the work.”
“After waiting all year for completion of this project I was heartbroken to find we were going to have to start it all over again.”
The frustrating part is that I know that there are amazing service providers out there who do great work. They want nothing more than to serve their clients and bring their best to the table.
And yet here we are – with a bevy of disappointed business owners who are desperate to hire folks to ‘do the work’ and feeling constantly let down.
So what is causing this breakdown? Why are folks feeling so disappointed and discouraged when it comes to hiring DFY service providers? And – more importantly – how do we change that?<– Because there is SOOOO much opportunity underneath all of this disappointment!
My experience in business gives me insight into both sides of this coin. I spent the first 10 years of my business as a 1-1 service provider and have continued to train, mentor and certify folks for the last 15 years. I also have over a decade of experience not only hiring folks for my own team but helping hundreds of other CEOs do the same.
To be clear – this is not a one-sided issue. I hear as many frustrations and complaints from the service provider side of things as I do from the folks hiring them. They are feeling this too.
The bottom line is this – there is a serious disconnect going on right now in our industry. The two sides are not ‘matching up’ in a way that allows everyone to work successfully together.
The folks hiring aren’t always clear on what they need – and service providers aren’t always clear on what they offer.
There are a lot of assumptions being made and not enough agreements.
Communication and leadership skills are lacking.
Service providers are being encouraged out of the DFY services that folks actually want to hire them for, leaving them struggling to find clients and business owners struggling to hire.
Folks aren’t sure how to work through the tough-stuff together so they default to ending the relationship when it very well could be fixed (I see this happening on both sides.)
I’m thinking of writing a series on this topic that I’m loosely calling The Bridge – how do we build a bridge between each other that allows for a successful working relationship? If you are interested in this comment below and let me know…
“If you want to be successful you have to focus on offering just one thing”
I can’t do just one thing. I’m simply not wired that way.
I’ve tried… oh how I’ve tried to do just one thing! But every time I try to put myself in a box – to find my “one thing” and focus on just that – I stall. I lose steam. I feel trapped.
Then I start the cycle all over again. “Maybe this thing over here is my one thing!” I focus on that for a while and then the same thing happens again. I stall. I lose steam. I feel trapped.
It hit me recently – what if the “one thing” model just isn’t for me?
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE the one thing model. There is a tonne of value in focusing on just one thing. And I do think it’s important in the early stages of business to do just this.
But I’ve been in business now for over 20 years. I’ve done a lot of things. I’ve got loads of experience. And the truth is I like – and am really good at – a number of things!
I’m amazing at helping business owners refine their offers to focus on their genius, make more money and attract new opportunities that are 100% aligned to who they are. (I did a refinement session on Monday with a client and she signed up a client the next day with her new offer! Hot damn, how cool is that?)
I’m amazing at helping CEOs develop their leadership, hire the right people and empower their team to run the business without them.
I’m amazing at helping leaders who have created a body of work turn that into a certification or licensing program that leaves a legacy and creates passive income.
I do all of these things already. I am working with clients in all of these areas at the moment. And I’m going to continue to do so.
No more trying to put myself in a box. I can offer all of these things and still be a successful business owner. I daresay it’s a lot more fun this way too!
I’m curious – do you consider yourself more of a “one thing” kind of business owner? Or a “many things” owner like me?
Believe me I get it – I’m the queen of self sufficiency. Of thinking that I ‘should’ be able to take care of everything on my own.
When folks ask me how they can help my default response is almost always a variation of: “I’m good. Everything is fine. I’m OK. I’ve got it. No worries.”
These things run deep for some of us – we are ingrained to feel like we have to take care of almost everything. It’s something I’ve had to learn how to overcome in my business, and it’s still something that I struggle with from time to time.
But if we can’t ask for – and receive! – help, we are setting ourselves up for a slew of stress and problems with our team.
We may struggle to see what to even ask for help with because we are so habituated to doing it all ourselves. (I don’t even know what someone can do for me?)
When we do know that we want help with something, we aren’t sure how to ask in an effective and clear way (A common scenario I see is that we think we asked for help with something but in reality, our team member wasn’t clear on what we asked for or thought we were just talking about stuff and didn’t realize you were asking for something at all.)
We hold back on asking for help with certain things because we think they won’t want to do it or we don’t want to bug them (I can’t tell you how many clients have said to me “Well I don’t like doing this thing so I can’t ask them to do it for me”…. yes, you can. that’s what they are there for.
And the biggest ‘ooof’ of all is when we have folks on our team who are asking to take things off our plate “I can help you with this. How about I take a look at that for you? Are you sure you still want to be the one doing this?” But we say no because deep down inside we feel like we have to be the one doing everything.
I can tell you, from the other side of the coin, that this is highly frustrating for the people you hire. They really want to help but they either a) aren’t clear on what you want help with or b) feel like they have tried to help out in various ways but that you aren’t ready to let go. And they end up feeling like they aren’t being helpful at all.
Asking for help from your team is a learned skill (I teach my clients the 4 A’s of asking) And receiving that help is an equally important skill to learn as well!
If you are feeling like there is a disconnect between you and your team when it comes to asking for support, my Empowered Team Session could be right up your alley (and yes, we can shift this in just one session together.)
2010 was the year that I hired my first OBM Tiffany.
I had VA support already for a few years at that point, but this was my first time hiring management-level support.
Now Tiffany jumped right into the role with both feet and rocked it. She took over managing the team, all the projects and generally making sure everything was running smoothly in the business.
Awesome right? This is exactly what I was looking for (and as a side note – this is exactly what we teach our Certified OBMs to do).
So I was REALLY surprised a few months into our working relationship to find myself questioning whether or not we should continue to work together.
Say what Tina? Why the heck would you want to stop working with someone who was doing an amazing job?
I remember waking up one morning in a bit of a panic. I was feeling useless in my own business.
The team was no longer coming to me with questions and for guidance – they went to Tiffany instead.
I no longer had to check in on projects and make sure stuff was getting done – Tiffany was on top of it.
I wasn’t the one who had my finger on the pulse of every little thing going on anymore – you guessed it, Tiffany was taking care of it.
And I didn’t know what to do with myself.
The question that kept running through my mind was “If I’m no longer needed for these things in my business – then what value am I bringing to the table? What is my role here?” Cue the identity crisis.
Thankfully I was working with a coach at the time and I reached out to him with that exact question.
He reminded me that my role was no longer about managing the business. “You are at the stage now Tina where your business needs you to lead – not to manage. Every level of success requires you to let go of something and you are at the point where it’s time to let go of managing. It’s time to be the CEO.”
We worked together to define what my role as CEO was. To identify all the things that I no longer had to take care of, and the things that I was now freed up to spend more time on (which for me was writing, teaching and coaching alongside the higher level leadership activities that my business needed from me.)
I remember so clearly being at a crossroads that day and seeing two paths laid out in front of me.
One direction was the old, worn path that I was used to. The path of being involved in every little nitty gritty detail of my business. Where I was the hub of everything going on with the team and projects. This was what I was used to doing (habit!) and it was something that I knew how to do well. I felt needed. I felt important. And even though it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing anymore, it was comfortable and the temptation to go down that path again was strong!
The other direction was about stepping into my leadership and becoming the CEO I knew I was meant to be. To let go of what I no longer needed to be doing and step into the (sometimes scary) things that my business was calling me to.
Thankfully I chose the second path – and although it’s been bumpy at times it truly has made all the difference in the world. If I had chosen the first path I know I would have sabotaged my working relationship with Tiffany. I would have stuck my nose back into things I didn’t need to be involved in. And we probably wouldn’t have worked together for very long after that as I would have gotten in the way. We ended up working together for 8 years before she left to start her agency. :)
It’s funny how sometimes we KNOW we need to make changes in what we are doing. We may even WANT to make those changes and bring more people onto the team to help.
But when we make those changes we find ourselves in uncharted territory. We may not know what to do with ourselves. If we are uncertain about what our new role is, then it’s really easy to slide back into our old one.
This is why the very first thing I do with every leadership client I work with is helping them redefine their CEO role – to create a new identity. To look at what they do best, what they want to do and what their business needs from them and to turn that into an inspiring and exciting role. Only then can we take a deeper look at their team and leadership, knowing that they won’t slide back into the ‘old habits’ of what their role used to be.
