Things that have changed since my moms passing

I’ve had a couple of milestone moments since the beginning of the year.

The first was my moms passing on January 6th. She had been diagnosed with cancer last year so it was not an unexpected death, but it was certainly sudden in that we hoped to have at least a few more months with her.

Those who have experienced the death of a parent will know, there is not only the emotional aspect of dealing with the loss… but boy oh boy is there a lot of stuff to do! It’s almost a full-time job dealing with someone’s estate – even when they have all of their ducks in a row.

The second milestone was turning 50 on February 2nd. I’m not someone who is bothered by my age and the thought of turning 50 didn’t feel like a big deal. But I was surprised to find myself feeling a shift in energy as a result of what I believe are these two things together.

It’s changed the way I’m looking at my businesses and my life. I’m being invited to shift my priorities.

As the dust started to settle earlier this month after both of these milestone moments, my first inclination was to “get back to work.”

Now I love my work. I’ve always loved my work. I love working in general! But I’ve found myself struggling to get back into the groove of things.

Yes, grief is part of this for sure. It’s something I’m familiar with from when my dad passed back in 2017, in that it likes to sneak up at interesting times. And I know that part of my coping mechanism is to keep myself busy and productive.

But I’ve found myself pausing in the midst of all of this to ask myself:

“What do I want the rest of my life to look like?”

Now that my parents have both passed and I no longer have to worry about their health and well-being. As my moms illness progressed over the past year she required more care and attention, which I was more than happy to provide together with my sister (thankfully we all live in the same city). Once she was gone I was surprised to realize how much energy became freed up from no longer having to wonder and worry.

Now that my kids are almost grown (they are 15 & 17 this year – how did that happen?) They are almost adults and will not need me in the same ways soon enough.

Now that I’m 50 and am closer to the end of life than the beginning. Not to be morose about it, but I suspect I won’t be living past 100 😉

To be frank, I don’t know the answers at this moment.

But I am really allowing myself to marinate in the possibilities. And to deeply consider the things I really want for myself.

I can feel changes coming in how much time I spend working (I’m exploring a shorter work week.)

I can feel changes coming in what I’m offering, and getting back to my roots in some areas (in particular around team leadership.)

I can feel changes in who I am outside of my work, and exploring different ways to enjoy this life I’ve been given (more fun – less work?)

I am also aware of how amazing it is to be an entrepreneur and choose what I want my life and work to look like. It is something that I consider to be one of the great blessings of my life and I don’t take that for granted.

More to come, but for now I just wanted to say hello. You may not have seen me recently but I’m still here and thinking of you.

We need you – just as you are

Don’t let anyone try to tell you that your calling is too small.

That it should be some grandiose, “I want to be the next Oprah” kind of calling. That you should want to build an empire and make millions.

That you should become “more like this person” and less like who you already are.

That is some serious BS right there. Because callings come in all different shapes and sizes.

The world needs visionaries & doers. Planners & leaders. Writers & speakers. Techies & artists. Designers & maintainers. Teachers & researchers.

The world needs solopreneurs and entrepreneurs. It needs companies of one and companies of many.

It needs those who serve a handful of clients at a time. And those who serve hundreds or thousands at a time.

The world needs all of us. It needs you.

It needs each of us to claim our calling – our purpose – and to come together in service to the greater good. It needs the visionary to see the vision. The creator to bring it to life. The manager to bring the pieces together. The doer to get stuff done.

It’s time to let go of the expectation that we should be something other than what we are. That we need to change ourselves before we can make a difference. Before we can step into the work we were put here on earth to do.

Your calling is what it is. You can’t change it – you can only reveal it and own it. 100%. Jumping in with both feet. <– THAT is the only thing the world really needs from you.

A loving reminder when things are moving slower than you would like

Let’s be clear… it takes time.

Despite what you see online when someone is sharing how they ‘made 3 gazillion dollars in 30 days’.

Despite what you expect of yourself when you look in the mirror and wonder why things aren’t moving as fast as you thought they would (and then wonder what is wrong with you or what you are missing…. ugh).

Despite what that coach/trainer/consultant may have promised would happen when you followed just ‘7 steps to making moola in your sleep’.

Despite what you might think – or hope – success takes time. Probably more time than you wish it would.

A flower doesn’t spring up the day after you’ve planted it. It needs water, sunshine and nutrients. It needs TIME to become the glorious plant it’s meant to be.

Success takes time.

It takes time to lay out a solid strategy (and then more time to try it, tweak it, and improve it).

It takes time to find and hire the right team, and then time to lead them to do their best work.

It takes time to do great work for your clients. Create new programs. Deliver amazing service.

Success isn’t a race, even though it can feel that way.

Success is a daily commitment.

The commitment to keep going. To show up. Every. Single. Day.

And I promise you – so long as you do that the success you seek will come to life, even if it takes longer than you thought it would.

Figuring it out yourself vs. getting help

I was the kid who never raised her hand in school.

Even when I had questions. Even when I was stuck on something.

There was some part of me that felt like I had to just figure it out on my own. Or that maybe asking questions would make me look stupid or something? I’m not totally sure of the psychology behind it all, but I do know this:

I took pride in being able to figure it out on my own. In not needing other people’s help.

This carried through much of my life, including the earlier years of my business.

We live in an interesting time in the world, where the answer to literally ANYTHING is at our fingertips… and we don’t even need to pay for it.

All we have to do is pop it into a search bar or post it in a Facebook group and BAM! Instant answers to our questions. There are books. YouTube videos. Heck, even TikTok is considered a search engine these days!

So if we have all the answers available to us, why is it that we aren’t all magically moving forward in our businesses?

Yes, there are many aspects to this – mindset, accessibility, privilege and various other factors play into our success.

But if we look strictly through the lens of information – why is it that we get stuck when the answers are all around us?

Because information isn’t enough – we need to know what to do with it. We need to be able to figure out “how does this apply to me?” <– And that is the hard part. That’s the part that requires help from others.

I spoke to a woman earlier this week who is creating a training program around her work (and eventually a certification). I invited her to join my Creating Your Framework workshop which is designed to help take all of that stuff out of our heads – the stuff we just “do without thinking about it” – and turn it into a clear, trainable process.

She just got back to me this morning to say that she’s decided not to join us and is going to try doing it by herself first.

My first thought was “but that is going to make it so much harder for you!!” (My second thought was “where could I have done a better job in the selling process?” <– always important to consider that too)

Granted yes, she may very well figure this out on her own. But I KNOW for a fact that my workshop would at the very least help her get a strong start and sort through all the aspects of creating a solid training based on her framework.

So what is it that makes us feel like we have to figure it out on our own?

I’ve made the same decision myself MANY times over the years when given the opportunity for support and deciding “nah, I’ll figure it out on my own”.

Sometimes the decision is based on money – the cost is either out of my means or the ROI doesn’t feel worth it for that particular thing. (This is a totally legit reason to say no.)

Or I may feel like the person actually won’t be able to give me the support I’m looking for. Either it’s not a right fit or my gut is saying something is off.

But more often than not, when I’m saying no to support it’s because I’m defaulting back to that old habit of “I can figure this out on my own.”

The part of me that feels like I SHOULD be able to figure it out on my own. Or that I’m weak or stupid for having to ask for help.

These things run deep for some of us! And I can’t help but wonder… what is the cost?

Because I know for a fact, that when I do ask for a receive help – things progress much differently.

I actually started this year telling myself, “Tina, you don’t need to spend any money on coaching this year. You are a smart cookie so let’s just figure this out on our own k?”

And guess what… I spent the first half of the year stalled. Stuck. Swimming around in my own confusion but not making any decisions or progress.

I got sick and tired of myself about halfway through the year (ha!), hired two coaches and guess what… things are moving forward again. I’m feeling clear and focused on what I’m doing (for the first time in a long time). I’ve got my mojo back again!

Could I have gotten to this space without hiring the help of those two coaches? Maybe I would have BUT I know for sure it would have taken SOOO much longer.

I’m curious – do you default to thinking you have to “figure it out on my own”? Where do you feel like that gets in the way? (either for you or your clients!)

My most recent marketing experiment

My goal for this year was to get my marketing mojo back. 2021 was a rough year that took the wind out of my sails, and I had been cocooning myself a bit… including in my marketing!

Frankly, I wasn’t doing much marketing at all. Outside of sending this newsletter about once a week I wasn’t doing anything else. And when I dug into what was holding me back it became clear.

I was afraid of being judged. I was afraid that people wouldn’t “like my stuff” or that they would think that what I’m doing is stupid. That they would dogpile on me and say “Tina, you suck and no one should ever work with you!” <– yes, I get that logically these fears didn’t make sense, but fear isn’t logical… it’s emotional. And hot damn it can stop us in our tracks.

The worst part of it was that holding back isn’t like me. I’ve been in business for over 20 years now and I really do love what I do! I love to talk about it and share it. I love to write. I am good on video. I love to be a bit provocative and share things that have people say “hmmm, I hadn’t really thought of it that way before.”

Because I was holding back and not showing up, I wasn’t feeling like myself. Hence the goal of getting my mojo back.

With the support of my coaches (yes, I hired multiple coaches to help me through this…) I was able to clear the gunk holding me back and create a plan to start showing up again.

I made my first ‘businessy’ post of the year on Facebook at the end of July, and I honestly felt like I was going to barf when I clicked that Post button. All those fears reared up telling me I was going to be judged and people were going to boo me off the stage.

That didn’t happen. Instead, folks commented on and liked my post. I saw the names of folks I hadn’t connected with in a long time.

So I posted again. And again. Talking about the things that matter to me. Creating your True Work. The power of the certification and licensing model. The importance of a good framework to get yourself out of delivery. And various other things that I feel inspired to share in the moment.

Some posts get a big response. Some barely get a response at all. But I am committed to posting consistently and to keep showing up.

Because I’m being consistent people are reaching out to work with me – to create their certification programs. To develop their frameworks. To give them a loving kick in the butt to do the thing that they’ve been resisting for years. It’s happening naturally and not feeling ‘pushy or salesy’.

Then my coach challenged me to start doing reels. “Aren’t I too old for that?” I replied. Ha ha. She wasn’t going to let me off that easy. 😉

So a couple of weeks ago I started posting on Instagram and TikTok – and I already have people inquiring about working together just from these reels. People I’ve never met before.

The most surprising thing about all of this is discovering that I actually LIKE marketing. Say what? I’ve said for years that marketing is my least favorite part of business… and now I’m discovering that I enjoy it. I love writing and posting. I love seeing what resonates with people (and what doesn’t). I feel like I’m actually connected with my community again after being cocooned for so long.

I got my marketing mojo back. And it feels good. 🙂

The one sentence that will halt your growth more than anything else

This sentence holds business owners back more than anything else that I hear folks say:

“No one can do it as well as me”

Be honest… is this something that comes up for you? This belief can be a sneaky one because sometimes we don’t even realize it’s there!

When you are operating from this belief you are automatically putting a cap on your growth, as you won’t be able to grow beyond your own capacity to do all the work.

And if you are already super busy and tired…. well, you will stay stuck right where you are right now in the tug of war between “I want help to do all this work” and “no one can do it as well as me.”

When we dig a bit deeper the fear behind that sentence is:

“What if I bring someone on board and they mess it up? They drop the ball, make mistakes or my clients don’t like them as much as they like me?” ← This right here is what will stop you in your tracks.

  • This is what will stop you from creating an agency and hiring people to ‘do the work’
  • This is what will stop you from bringing associate coaches into your programs so that you aren’t carrying the weight of coaching on your own.
  • This is what will stop you from creating that certification or licensing program that you’ve been thinking about for a while.

The key to getting yourself out of delivery – and passing that work over to people you trust – is your framework.

Your Framework is the journey that you take your clients on when they hire you. The journey from why they are hiring you (their current challenges or desires) to the result that they are hiring you for.

A clear, simple and proven framework opens the door for you to start (or expand!) your agency, bring associate coaches on board or launch a certification training. Truthfully, it’s hard to do any of these things without a solid framework.