I remember an exercise we did years ago when I took my coach training program. It was called 100 Tolerations.

The exercise was simple: List 100 things you are tolerating and then explore what it would take to eliminate those tolerations.

At first, I thought, “Wow, there is no way I can find 100 things I am tolerating! That’s a lot.” Boy, was I wrong.

We were encouraged to look at everything in our lives, including – and especially! – the seemingly small things: that broken handle on the cupboard, those cobwebs on the light fixture that need to be cleaned up, a perpetually late client, etc.

Once I got into it, I realized that I was tolerating way more than I was conscious of, and I ended up with a list of 100 (it might have even been more!)

One of the insights I had at the horse retreat (which I shared about last week) was around tolerations. I have been tolerating a lot lately, both in life and in my business.

And I wasn’t consciously aware of most of what I’ve been tolerating <– THAT is the part that I found most fascinating.

What exactly does it mean to tolerate something? For fun I just looked it up in the dictionary:

“to allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of something that one does not necessarily like or agree with”

Put simply, to allow something that doesn’t work for us.

That was the main question that came up for me – why am I allowing certain things in my life that don’t work for me?

Because we always do something for a reason, even if the reason isn’t immediately obvious.

Now, it’s easy for me to look at the things I tolerate and say, “Oh, it isn’t that big of a deal”, but the truth is… I’ve been suffering with my tolerations. I’m the one who pays the price when I brush them under the rug as “not a big deal.”

When I dug a bit deeper, I found two main reasons why I continue to tolerate the things that don’t work for me:

1. My people-pleasing tendencies run deep! Taking a stand for what I want and what works for me might upset the other parties involved, and that is really uncomfortable for me.
2. Changing something that no longer works for me can also mean more work. And frankly, sometimes it feels easier to keep tolerating than it is to work through the necessary changes that will be required otherwise.

It boils down to a decision of this:

Am I willing to be uncomfortable for a short time, in order to fix these tolerations in the long run?

To have the tough conversations. To set – and enforce – the boundaries. To ask for what I want. To let go of what is no longer working.

These things aren’t easy, but like so many things in life… when we are willing to do the tough stuff there is so much more available to us on the other side.