I’ve had a couple of milestone moments since the beginning of the year.
The first was my moms passing on January 6th. She had been diagnosed with cancer last year so it was not an unexpected death, but it was certainly sudden in that we hoped to have at least a few more months with her.
Those who have experienced the death of a parent will know, there is not only the emotional aspect of dealing with the loss… but boy oh boy is there a lot of stuff to do! It’s almost a full-time job dealing with someone’s estate – even when they have all of their ducks in a row.
The second milestone was turning 50 on February 2nd. I’m not someone who is bothered by my age and the thought of turning 50 didn’t feel like a big deal. But I was surprised to find myself feeling a shift in energy as a result of what I believe are these two things together.
It’s changed the way I’m looking at my businesses and my life. I’m being invited to shift my priorities.
As the dust started to settle earlier this month after both of these milestone moments, my first inclination was to “get back to work.”
Now I love my work. I’ve always loved my work. I love working in general! But I’ve found myself struggling to get back into the groove of things.
Yes, grief is part of this for sure. It’s something I’m familiar with from when my dad passed back in 2017, in that it likes to sneak up at interesting times. And I know that part of my coping mechanism is to keep myself busy and productive.
But I’ve found myself pausing in the midst of all of this to ask myself:
“What do I want the rest of my life to look like?”
Now that my parents have both passed and I no longer have to worry about their health and well-being. As my moms illness progressed over the past year she required more care and attention, which I was more than happy to provide together with my sister (thankfully we all live in the same city). Once she was gone I was surprised to realize how much energy became freed up from no longer having to wonder and worry.
Now that my kids are almost grown (they are 15 & 17 this year – how did that happen?) They are almost adults and will not need me in the same ways soon enough.
Now that I’m 50 and am closer to the end of life than the beginning. Not to be morose about it, but I suspect I won’t be living past 100 😉
To be frank, I don’t know the answers at this moment.
But I am really allowing myself to marinate in the possibilities. And to deeply consider the things I really want for myself.
I can feel changes coming in how much time I spend working (I’m exploring a shorter work week.)
I can feel changes coming in what I’m offering, and getting back to my roots in some areas (in particular around team leadership.)
I can feel changes in who I am outside of my work, and exploring different ways to enjoy this life I’ve been given (more fun – less work?)
I am also aware of how amazing it is to be an entrepreneur and choose what I want my life and work to look like. It is something that I consider to be one of the great blessings of my life and I don’t take that for granted.
More to come, but for now I just wanted to say hello. You may not have seen me recently but I’m still here and thinking of you.