Figuring it out yourself vs. getting help

Oct 28, 2022

I was the kid who never raised her hand in school.

Even when I had questions. Even when I was stuck on something.

There was some part of me that felt like I had to just figure it out on my own. Or that maybe asking questions would make me look stupid or something? I’m not totally sure of the psychology behind it all, but I do know this:

I took pride in being able to figure it out on my own. In not needing other people’s help.

This carried through much of my life, including the earlier years of my business.

We live in an interesting time in the world, where the answer to literally ANYTHING is at our fingertips… and we don’t even need to pay for it.

All we have to do is pop it into a search bar or post it in a Facebook group and BAM! Instant answers to our questions. There are books. YouTube videos. Heck, even TikTok is considered a search engine these days!

So if we have all the answers available to us, why is it that we aren’t all magically moving forward in our businesses?

Yes, there are many aspects to this – mindset, accessibility, privilege and various other factors play into our success.

But if we look strictly through the lens of information – why is it that we get stuck when the answers are all around us?

Because information isn’t enough – we need to know what to do with it. We need to be able to figure out “how does this apply to me?” <– And that is the hard part. That’s the part that requires help from others.

I spoke to a woman earlier this week who is creating a training program around her work (and eventually a certification). I invited her to join my Creating Your Framework workshop which is designed to help take all of that stuff out of our heads – the stuff we just “do without thinking about it” – and turn it into a clear, trainable process.

She just got back to me this morning to say that she’s decided not to join us and is going to try doing it by herself first.

My first thought was “but that is going to make it so much harder for you!!” (My second thought was “where could I have done a better job in the selling process?” <– always important to consider that too)

Granted yes, she may very well figure this out on her own. But I KNOW for a fact that my workshop would at the very least help her get a strong start and sort through all the aspects of creating a solid training based on her framework.

So what is it that makes us feel like we have to figure it out on our own?

I’ve made the same decision myself MANY times over the years when given the opportunity for support and deciding “nah, I’ll figure it out on my own”.

Sometimes the decision is based on money – the cost is either out of my means or the ROI doesn’t feel worth it for that particular thing. (This is a totally legit reason to say no.)

Or I may feel like the person actually won’t be able to give me the support I’m looking for. Either it’s not a right fit or my gut is saying something is off.

But more often than not, when I’m saying no to support it’s because I’m defaulting back to that old habit of “I can figure this out on my own.”

The part of me that feels like I SHOULD be able to figure it out on my own. Or that I’m weak or stupid for having to ask for help.

These things run deep for some of us! And I can’t help but wonder… what is the cost?

Because I know for a fact, that when I do ask for a receive help – things progress much differently.

I actually started this year telling myself, “Tina, you don’t need to spend any money on coaching this year. You are a smart cookie so let’s just figure this out on our own k?”

And guess what… I spent the first half of the year stalled. Stuck. Swimming around in my own confusion but not making any decisions or progress.

I got sick and tired of myself about halfway through the year (ha!), hired two coaches and guess what… things are moving forward again. I’m feeling clear and focused on what I’m doing (for the first time in a long time). I’ve got my mojo back again!

Could I have gotten to this space without hiring the help of those two coaches? Maybe I would have BUT I know for sure it would have taken SOOO much longer.

I’m curious – do you default to thinking you have to “figure it out on my own”? Where do you feel like that gets in the way? (either for you or your clients!)


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