Category

Success Mindset

I’m not a fan of positive thinking

By | Leadership, Success Mindset | 2 Comments

Telling myself positive things has rarely motivated me to take action.

What I prefer is worst case scenario thinking.

Here’s what I mean (and how it works).

When I identify a goal – a desire – I have a brief moment of excitement and then within a day or so the next thing that pops up is FEAR.

My mind starts going to all the reasons that I shouldn’t do it and why it won’t work (now isn’t the right time, it’s too expensive, I’m not ready, people will think I’m crazy, etc…)

Positive thinking tells us to ignore the fear and move forward anyways. But this doesn’t actually get rid of the fear – and if anything the fear can get bigger the longer we try to ignore it!

The truth is, if my fear is too big I won’t take action. I get stuck.

So I started doing an experiment a few years ago – instead of trying to ignore or ‘positive think’ my way out of the fear I decided to do the opposite.

To dive right into it and look my fear in the eye.

First I ask myself – what is the worst thing that could happen here? The worse case scenario.

The key is to get specific. It’s not enough to say “I’m afraid it won’t work for me”… it has to be something that truly shakes you to the core.

“I’m afraid that I won’t make enough money and will lose my house.”

“I’m afraid that my spouse will leave me because I spent all of our savings.”

“I’m afraid that my family will disapprove of what I’m doing and ridicule me at thanksgiving dinner.”

You may have more than one thing on your list – the more the merrier (or should I say scarier?) 😉

Once I can see – and FEEL – my fear then I ask myself:

What would I do if this worse case scenario came true?

How would I handle it? And can I handle it if that was to happen?

There are usually a few of things that happen at this point.

First, when we work through how we would handle the fear then the fear loses its power over us. It’s no longer this ambiguous monster lurking in the closet. It’s now a problem that has a solution ‘ready at hand’ if needed.

I can literally feel the fear melt away at this moment because I know I can handle whatever it might bring.

Second, we often see the absurdity of our fears and how unlikely they are!

Your spouse might be upset with you but it’s unlikely he would leave. You may lose some money but it’s doubtful you would have to sell your house. Your family may make some sly remarks at dinner but you can deal with that.

Third, seeing the worse case scenario can often light a fire to not let it come true! I contribute much of my success to making a decision that my worse case scenario was not an option. That I would do whatever it took to make sure it wouldn’t happen.

Look the fear in the eye. Feel it. Dive into it. And consider how you would handle it.

This simple process shows you how powerful you really are. It frees you up to take action without the burden of worry and fear always one step behind.

Tim Ferris has a similar process to this called Fear Setting that he outlines in a recent TED talk video (you can find it here on YouTube).

I’m curious what you do to deal with fear when it comes up? What works for you?

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My (slightly unusual) perspective on being a good team leader…

By | CEO Tips, Leadership, Success Mindset, Team & Outsourcing | No Comments

My goal as a leader of my team is simple – I want to be their favorite client.

I work with a team of contractors (not employees) so I am not their boss – I’m their client.

And if I am their favorite client I know I’m on the right track.

I know that I’m treating them well.

I know that they are getting to do work they enjoy and have opportunities they may not find elsewhere.

I know that I’m respecting their time and not asking for unrealistic deadlines and last minute tasks.

I know that I’m paying them well for what they bring to the table.

I know THEY know how much I value the time, energy and effort they invest in support of my business.

If I am NOT their favorite client then I need to take a look at my leadership and see where I need to shift/grow.

That’s how I choose to measure my success as a leader.

And you?

** An Invitation **

If you are interested in leadership I invite you to join me for a brand new webinar I’m doing lovingly entitled:

“3 Ways Your Leadership Style May Be Inadvertently Sabotaging Your Team”

I’m going to get real on this webinar – and perhaps a little edgy – because there are simply too many people struggling on both sides of the coin. As leaders and as team members… and that needs to change.

>> Click here to register 

Business advice from Stephen King?

By | CEO Tips, General Biz, Success Mindset | No Comments

Love this! I (perma) borrowed* a copy of the book On Writing by Stephen King from my friend Mike this weekend… such a great read! Even if you aren’t a writer or a fan of his books, what he shares can be applied to so many areas of business.

One of my favs is the fact that he doesn’t actually know what his books will be about before he writes them. Say what?! 

He comes up with an idea or a scenario and then starts writing to see what will happen. He is just as surprised and intrigued writing the story as we are reading it. <— wow!

I’ve heard George RR Martin (Game of Thrones author) say the same thing – if he knew the full story before he started writing it then he wouldn’t bother writing it because he would be bored.

Can’t help but wonder how this applies to the way we run a business?

Where is the sweet spot between laying out the plan in advance – vs laying it out as we go?

The extreme on either side can be problematic.

If we plan out too much or too far in advance we leave no room for being able to respond to what comes up on the journey. There is no room for creativity.

If don’t plan at all and just make it up as we go – we can end up wasting a lot of time and energy, and may never land where we want to go.

There is a middle ground that I’ve been playing in this past year. One part planning – one part flow – and it has served me well. Plus it’s been SO much more fun than just ‘laying out a plan and following it’… which I will admit feels boring at times.

This is something we will be teaching – and experimenting with – in a new program that Andrea Lee and I are starting next month. If you are interested in learning more about what we have cooking up let me know – comment below or send me an email.

*(Perma) borrowed – when one borrows a book with no intent of giving it back.  But don’t worry – Mike already knows I’m sending him a new copy.

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Self Sufficiency Syndrome

By | General Biz, Leadership, Success Mindset | No Comments

If there is one thing I know to be true about high-achieving women it’s this.

We CAN do it on our own.

We have already. We’ve proven we can make stuff happen. We are problem solvers. Fighters. Bring it on baby!

But at a certain point the very thing that we are best at – making it happen – can become our biggest burden.

I had an amazing conversation a couple of years back at a mastermind with two of my fav people – Samantha Bennett and Penelope Jane Smith. One of those ‘on a break in the hallway’ conversations, just off the cuff.

We got to talking about what Samantha called Self-Sufficiency Syndrome – where we are SO good at taking care of things on our own, that we don’t think we need help and nor do the people around us!

At the time I was about 2 years post divorce, and had been sharing how the hardest thing about that journey was when people would say to me:

“Tina, I’m so sorry to hear about everything… how are the girls? How is Dan? (my ex)… I know you will be fine.”

And every time they said that a tiny part of me inside would cry out “What about me? Why don’t they ask how I’m doing?”

They didn’t ask because they assumed I would be fine – they were simply responding to the way I had always shown up! That I had it all together and didn’t need help from anyone.

There I was, a newly single mom of 2 young girls with a business to run that is the sole provider of our income. And I was SOOO used to being the one to take care of things on my own that it didn’t even occur to me to ASK for more help. I didn’t know how to RECEIVE help when it was offered. My default response at that time was:

“I’m fine”

Fine – the other 4 letter word.

My divorce showed me that yes – I COULD handle it all on my own. I was. I did. And I’m beyond proud of that.

I did have amazing support in my business during that time. My team helped to keep the engine running and I’m not sure it would have otherwise.

And yet, I still felt like I had to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. That I had to figure it all out on my own. That it was up to me to keep pushing, or it might just fall apart. I felt the weight of responsibility to both my business and my team, and it became a pretty lonely place.

I remember asking myself one day – what if it didn’t have to be this way? What if I didn’t have to carry the ‘weight of the world’ on my own?

How different would my life be then? And is it even possible? Hmmm

I’ve spent the past couple of years fumbling around in this space.

Learning how to ask for help when I need it – especially in those moments when I’m feeling confused and stuck. Sometimes it’s help I pay for (great coaching has been my lifeline this past year) and sometimes it’s just me reaching out to a friend for a conversation.

Learning how to say yes when help is offered. And feeling bloody uncomfortable every step of the way! Also realizing that yes, I’m great at receiving paid help (ie: via my team) but horrible at receiving help without payment (there’s a whole other conversation for another time…)

I have by no means mastered this – my default is always self-sufficiency mode and I need a loving smack upside the head at times to shift this… but I have to tell you, something started to shift this past year.

I started having REAL conversations. I started facing the things I had been avoiding. I started to get real with myself – and others – about stuff I had been tolerating. I made changes in my business and life as a result of this.

It was also through these conversations that I started to see more clearly the work that I’m meant to do. And that there is no way in hell I can do it alone. Nor do I want to.

The truth is – great missions require a great deal of support.

I’ve already proven that I can do this on my own – now it’s time to prove what we can do together.

THIS is my growth edge – I’m curious if this is something that you can relate to?

The BEST article on pricing that I’ve ever read

By | CEO Tips, General Biz, Success Mindset | 12 Comments

It seems like everyone and their dog these days is touting the wonders of charging ‘premium rates’ for ‘high-end packages’.

Ugh. I’m tired of it… and here’s why.

First of all – it implies that if we aren’t charging ‘as much as we can!!’ then we are missing out. That the only goal of business is to squeeze every last dime out of the work we do.

Second – I’ve seen this set people up for failure. Either they struggle to sell at their new ‘premium’ rate (because deep down they don’t believe it’s worth it) or they sell at this premium rate but fail to deliver what the client was expecting (and find themselves in a bit of a pickle).

If the goal isn’t to charge as much as we can – then what do we aim for?

How do we know what the ‘right’ price is?

My friend Carolyn Herfurth shared this article with me recently and I daresay it’s the best article on pricing that I’ve ever read – including a really simple strategy to find your right price without going overboard.

Click here to read the article –> Your ‘Happy Price’ vs. Your ‘Sad Price’: How To Charge An Amount That Motivates You

And share below to let me know what you think? I’m curious to see if – and how – this might change the way you set your prices.

It certainly got my wheels turning…

The Safety of Confusion

By | General Biz, Success Mindset | 2 Comments

It always surprises me how often we get in our own way – how resistance shows up in sneaky ways to try and stop us from creating the success we desire. (Those pesky Upper Limit Problems, if you are familiar with the work of Gay Hendricks.)

I found myself getting stuck in a rather interesting ‘trap’ lately and am curious if you can relate?

I’ve recorded a brand spankin’ new video quickie to share more…

A surprising reason that you may not be closing sales

By | General Biz, Leadership, Success Mindset | No Comments

It’s hard to make sales when you (secretly) don’t want to fulfill on what you are selling.

When you are selling out of habit even when you are bored out of your skull. (“I’ve always done this so I may as well keep doing it”)

When you are selling what you ‘should’ be selling even though you don’t enjoy the work (“people want it from me so I may as well offer it”)

It’s comfortable to do what we’ve always done. To offer what people keep asking us for.

But at a certain point you won’t be able to keep fooling yourself – trying to convince yourself it’s OK.

Nor will you be able to fool anyone else – they will (subconsciously) pick up on your ‘ick’ and you won’t get the sale.

This is one of the surprising – and often hidden – reasons why what used to work is no longer working. Why your business is stalling.

If you suspect this may be going on for you and would like some support click here to learn more about how I may be able to support you.

It’s not meant to be easy…

By | Leadership, Success Mindset | No Comments

“It’s not meant to be easy, but it certainly can be easier.”

I will admit that I am annoyed when people say things like

“When you love what you do you will never work a day in your life”

This implies that the journey is meant to be easy – that we aren’t on track if we are feeling challenged.

It’s BS.

When you are on track you WILL be challenged. There are days you may wonder if you have lost your mind. Or if you are really ‘supposed’ to be on this path.

If you wait for it to be easy then your calling – your purpose – might just pass you by.

Now this doesn’t mean you need to work yourself to exhaustion – working 24/7. Trying to please everyone else. Trying to be something you are not. That will only fill your calendar and drain your soul.

There is a sweet spot in the middle of challenge and easy – this is where the magic happens if you are willing to do the work.

3 signs you are entering your zone of genuis

By | General Biz, Leadership, Success Mindset | 7 Comments

One of my favorite books in the world is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks – especially the part where he talks about the distinction between Zone of Excellence and Zone of Genius.
But the part that has always confused me is – how do I know what my zone of genius is? I’ve finally got that part figured out (yay!) and wanted to share with you the 3 signs that you are bumping up into your zone of genius in today’s new video.

 

3 Steps Ahead (a mini-article)

By | General Biz, Leadership, Success Mindset | No Comments

I was thinking recently about something I learned from Thomas Leonard (founder of the coaching industry) at a coaching conference in 2002.

We do our best work when we are 3 steps ahead of those we are meant to serve.

If we are 10 steps ahead of someone then we may not be able to connect as deeply with who they are and what they need (and I dare say we may no longer desire to support them in the way they need – I know boredom kicks in for me here.)

If we are only 1 step ahead we may not yet have integrated our learning enough to be able to provide a deeper level of support. (Folks who learn something and teach it before they’ve actually lived it fall into this category – and we all know how annoying that is!)

3 steps ahead is the sweet spot – not too close, not too far.

If we embrace this concept then the truth is – we aren’t necessarily meant to do the same thing forever. If you are working to grow and evolve yourself this means you will be called to grow and evolve your business at some point as well (different clients, different offerings, etc)

It also means that we have to be willing to let go of the things that we have outgrown – the spaces where we are more than 3 steps ahead. I find something especially beautiful here – every time I am willing to let go it frees up space for someone else to step in to the place they are meant to serve.

For me this happens about every 3 years – I find myself in an up leveling cycle that requires me to make some changes. Sometimes the changes are big – sometimes they are subtle, but they always lead me to a greater expression of what I am meant to do.

I’m just coming out of my most recent up-leveling cycle and although it’s been tough – I am blessed to be on the other side and embracing my next 3 steps ahead mission. I know some of you are traveling this path right now – I am sending love and courage your way!

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